¿Recuerdan ese sentimiento de haber leído un libro y no poder sacártelo de la cabeza durante días?
Pues esto es justo lo que ha sucedido desde el viernes 12, cuando Taylor Swift presentó su versión de Red, el que fuera su cuarto álbum, por allá por el 2012, pero, particularmente, en esta oportunidad, añadiera del "vault" una versión extendida, DE 10 MINUTOS, de la que es una de las mejores canciones de toda su discografía, All too well.
Antes he estado obsesionada con canciones de Taylor, Out of the woods, Getaway car, recientemente August, por mencionar unas (muy) pocas, pero lo que ha sucedido con la revelación de la nueva forma de All too well me ha dejado devastada.
Taylor Swift me rompió el corazón.
En noviembre.
Y ni siquiera estoy enamorada.
Los que hemos seguido la trayectoria de la cantante sabemos que emplea sus líricas para hacer catarsis de sus emociones. Aparentemente, por aquel tiempo (es decir, antes de que Red fuera un álbum) salió con un actor muy conocido, nueve años mayor que ella (Jake Gyllenhall), del que, según la letra de la canción (y los mensajes ocultos en la mayoría de las líricas de este álbum) estuvo muy enamorada. Pero le rompió el corazón.
Sin embargo, mis queridos lectores, tenemos que aceptar que si Taylor no hubiera vivido esta experiencia, si no hubiera salido por ese breve período de tiempo con este actor, al que particularmente admiro (voy a agregar), All too well (from the vault) no habría existido ni Red habría sido Red sino White, blue, o quién sabe qué color (porque ya sabemos quién es Golden). Así, All too well es una de esas canciones profundas en sentimientos, acerca de un recuerdo importante y una ruptura devastadora, de aquellas que te dejan doblada en la cama, llorando por días, que ya era una "masterpiece" (una obra maestra), como ella describe el amor en esta canción, antes de que esta versión, de diez minutos, fuera expuesta para dejarnos heridos.
Como les decía, no he podido sacarme de la cabeza las líneas nuevas de la canción. Estas revelan un dolor profundo que, estoy segura, la mayoría de nosotras, alguna vez, hemos sentido: ese vacío en el pecho que se abre espacio para la desolación. Ha sido a tal punto que he tenido que venir a escribir este artículo pues, actualmente se siente como si todo lo que está sucediendo en las líricas, también me estuviera sucediendo. Y, como si esto no fuera suficiente para dejarme completamente rota, Taylor ha elaborado un video, no, un corto musical, All too well, the short film, escrito y dirigido por ella misma, con el que ilustra toda la devastación que, suponemos, vivió en aquello años.
El short de All too well está protagonizado por Dylan O´Brien, a quien he seguido desde la película The first time, incluso tengo un artículo sobre ésta en el blog, Sadie Sink y la misma Taylor, y es una película de desamor perfecta, sin reparos ni desperdicios, reflejando la miseria de una chica enamorada no correspondida. Sí, creo que he estado ahí, al menos una vez.
No sé realmente cómo ni cuándo voy a recuperarme de esta historia, tal vez ni los ocho meses de Begin again sean suficientes, pero lo cierto es que ya tenemos Red, Taylor´s version, uno de los álbums de rupturas íconos, de regreso a la música, ahora, bajo todos los derechos de su autora.
Antes de irme, les dejo la letra de All too well (from the vault).
Nota: Los nuevos versos que me mataron poco a poco están resaltados en amarillo.
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you've still got it in your drawer, even now
Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days
And I know it's long gone and
That magic's not here no more
And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all
Oh, oh, oh
'Cause there we are again on that little town street
You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me
Wind in my hair, I was there
I remember it all too well
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed
And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team
You taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me
And you were tossing me the car keys, "fuck the patriarchy"
Key chain on the ground, we were always skipping town
And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now
He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was
'Til we were dead and gone and buried
Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same
After three months in the grave
And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you
But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame
And I know it's long gone and
There was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night
We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there
I remember it all too well
And there we are again when nobody had to know
You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath
Sacred prayer and we'd swear
To remember it all too well, yeah
Well, maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
'Til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there
I remember it all too well
And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all
They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new Hell
Every time you double-cross my mind
You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine
And that made me want to die
The idea you had of me, who was she?
A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you
Not weeping in a party bathroom
Some actress asking me what happened, you
That's what happened, you
You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sipping coffee like you're on a late-night show
But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come
And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one"
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it
'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah
'Cause there we are again when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, you were there
You remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there
You remember it all
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well
And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes
"I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age"
From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones
I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight
And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too?
'Cause in this city's barren cold
I still remember the first fall of snow
And how it glistened as it fell
I remember it all too well
Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well?
Just between us, do you remember it all too well?
Just between us, I remember it (Just between us), all too well
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it
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